As superman prepares for his latest star turn in ‘‘Superman Returns,'' opening June 28, some interesting headlines have begun to appear in the nation's media.The Advocate, May 23: ‘‘How Gay Is Superman?''
Los Angeles Times, June 2: ‘‘Beefcake in Tights: Does Gay Appeal Help Ticket Sales?''
New York Times, June 4: ‘‘It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's the Man of ... Feelings!''
OK, the question is out there: Is Superman gay?
Here's the answer: Let's hope so.
If Superman was straight, we'd see the difference right away. There would be major problems.
For one thing, Superman wouldn't look nearly as cool.
There is no way a straight man is going to zip around town in a muscle shirt, tights and a billowing cape.
No, if Superman was straight, he'd shlub around in dorky looking clothes, complete with a ballcap. He wouldn't cut a dramatic figure at all, like he does now.
Also, he wouldn't be buff. He wouldn't have that chiseled torso and those bulging muscles that strike terror into the hearts of evil-doers.
Instead of the Man of Steel, he'd be the Man of Pudding. He'd have a gut, and slouching shoulders, and probably a big butt. Maybe even a plumber's crack. He'd walk like a duck.
If Superman was straight, he wouldn't come back from work with every hair still in place, with that one perfect spit curl still dangling jauntily over his brow. No, saving the world involves a lot of heavy lifting and exertion. If Superman was straight, his hair would be a mess. He'd look like a wild man.
Superman is being seen in a new light, and it's little wonder, because this is a new era. Gays and straights co-exist more comfortably now. Gays are more visible, more forward. Straights are more understanding, more accepting.
Generally speaking.
Nobody would have dared call Superman gay when he burst onto the scene a half century ago. It was the '50s, after all, and people didn't have a clue. They even thought Liberace was straight, for crying out loud.
Today, we are more aware. We know our society is diverse, and that people of all kinds can be achievers, leaders and role models. We take our heroes whenever and wherever we can find them, and we judge them by the works they do.
Generally speaking.
If Superman was straight, he not only would look different, he would act differently.
And we would find the changes discomfitting.
For example, Superman wouldn't duck discreetly into a phone booth to change clothes. No, he'd just rip off his bowling shirt right in public. He'd be totally uncouth about it.
He wouldn't care what he looked like, or what people thought of him. In fact, he'd probably walk around most of the time with his shirt half unbuttoned, and his Superman insignia hanging out for all to see.
Some disguise.
If Superman was straight, he wouldn't go off to his isolated Fortress of Solitude for periods of reflection and meditation. No, if something was bugging him, a straight Superman would go to Hooters and drink shooters. So much for deep thoughts.
If Superman was straight, he wouldn't tidy up after himself, the way he does now. Superman not only catches the train as it falls from a collapsing bridge, he goes back and fixes the bridge.
If he destroys a building, in the course of vanquishing a villain, he puts up a new building to replace it. He probably even washes the windows and does light mopping and dusting.
A straight Superman would not be this fastidious.
If Superman was straight, he wouldn't remain aloof from the opposite sex. No, he would be getting tangled up with them right and left. He probably would have married Lois Lane years ago, and today he would be sitting around the house in his underwear with the TV remote balanced on his belly.
The Battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way is a Neverending one. There is no time left over for the Battle Between the Sexes.
Superheroes must refrain from such distractions. We see this borne out again and again, not only with Superman but with Batman and Spider-Man.
And please, let's not even get started on those guys.
from The Daily Bulletin by John Weeks
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