Boyfriend's Gay Video Freaks Out Female Mate

Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over five years and have caught him watching soft core porn and buying skin mags before. It hurts me to know that I am not enough to keep his attention, but a few days ago I found something that really broke my heart - a guy-on-guy porn DVD hidden in our bedroom. I freaked out when I found it. When he got home from work, he told me it was because he had been having guy-on-guy dreams, so he bought the DVD to see if it did anything for him. He says he watched it twice and was relieved it didn't do anything for him. I know he had a sexual experience with a guy when he was younger, which he says was nothing. But he's asked me to do things like wear a strap-on, which I never did because that creeped me out. I don't know if his dreams stemmed from built-up sexual tension because we haven't had sex in a long time, but he always wants me when we do. If he was gay, he shouldn't get excited from kissing me or looking at me in sexy underwear. He said he was really freaked out by the dreams, confused and scared. Could he be bi? How common is it for men to be curious about other men? -- HIDING UNDER THE BED

A. Either your boyfriend is confused and trying to figure things out, or he knows and doesn't know how to talk to you about it. If you freak out, I can understand why he might be afraid to discuss these issues with you. He is probably embarrassed that you found his stash, and when you lost your mind over it, you solidified his belief that you wouldn't understand. If you didn't like him watching porn, you should have brought it up at the time rather than let it fester. As a rule, guys don't watch gay porn unless they are gay. Just because he enjoys non-traditional play in the bedroom doesn't mean he is gay or even bisexual, but if you have concerns, talk to him about them rather than screaming.
Guys are funny sometimes. If they have a dream about another guy, they may doubt their orientation and do whatever they feel necessary to figure out the truth. You said that he had an experience with another boy when he was young. While not uncommon for youth, it could be significant for him. As long as it wasn't an abusive situation, he was probably experimenting. Can you honestly say you have never had a dream or a fantasy -- about someone of the same sex?
As far as him getting turned on by you, that doesn't guarantee anything other than he is human, and yes, possibly bisexual. To get to the bottom of this discuss it with him. You could spy on him, but that brings up trust issues (not to mention you may look like a nut). If it is impacting him as much as you say it is, he would benefit from some support as well. And something to think about: if he watched the movie once and it did nothing for him, you might want to ask yourself why he watched it a second time?
from The London Free Press