Tila Tequila’s ‘bisexual’ dating show is another small step for MTV-kind.

Britney Spears' limp-wristed jiggle jiggle of an opener at this month's widely panned MTV Video Music Awards, suggested to some that the music station might be on its last legs of cultural relevance. Some say it sold out a decade ago; others argue that as soon as it became older than its target demographic (turning 25 last year), the station was officially too crusty to be cool.
MTV's latest effort -- a serialized bisexual dating show starring Tila Tequila, mistress of MySpace -- could be considered another sign of the station's shift from music network to sleaze peddler. But even if that's true, at least MTV is doing what it has always done best: making controversy while quietly breaking, or at least exposing, some pop-culture barriers.
Those of you who aren't Maxim subscribers or MySpace obsessives may not have heard of Tequila, the Singapore-born, Internet-bred girl who is ripe to become a bona fide B-lister. Her solicitation of well over 2 million "friends" on the social networking site and her off-kilter sexpot persona landed her on magazine covers, and even led Time magazine to dub her the "Madonna of MySpace."
And so, in two decades, MTV has gone from helping to create Madonna to counting on Tequila's half-proven celebrity appeal. On "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila," following the road-tested formula of VH1's "Flavor of Love," Tequila will welcome 16 straight men and 16 lesbian women into a mansion, where they'll all live for a scandalous season while vying for her affection. MTV's first serialized dating program represents a big commitment from a network devoted to the short-attention-span crowd, meaning we can expect as much squabbling, back-stabbing and pansexual make-out sessions as 10 episodes can hold.
But the main selling point for MTV and Tequila seems to be the bisexual angle, as both try to prove they're busting a taboo. Tequila, for her part, claims she's never come out as a bisexual before (though her MySpace profile suggests otherwise). MTV, meanwhile, gets to brag that "A Shot at Love" is the first bisexual dating show on a network not specifically targeted to the LGBT community.
But Tequila's description makes it clear that the show is not so groundbreaking as all that. As she writes in her slangy, all-caps way:

the show will be about me finding love as a BISEXUAL!!!!! THAT IS CRAZY RIGHT? ..... the only twist is that these guys and these girls have NO IDEA that I am bisexual and that they are competing against each others sexes!!! GUYS AGAINST GIRLS......WHO WILL I END UP HOOKING UP WITH????? WILL I BE STRAIGHT OR LESBIAN IN THE END?????

In other words, the old sexual categories remain, embedded in the structure of the show: guys against girls in the mansion, straight against lesbian in Tequila's heart, with little in the way of "bisexuality" in sight. And contestants will probably confirm many a sexual stereotype (straight guys making girl-on-girl jokes, lesbian women happily cavorting for them as if that were the point of being lesbian, and so on).
Still, at least the concept of bisexuality, and dating-while-bisexual, will be out there in MTV-land. MTV has always pushed sexual boundaries, whether it's airing those first Madonna videos (even if they were later pulled) or featuring anHIV-positive cast member on "The Real World" in the early 1990s.
These days, the envelope-pushing is more likely to amount to simple sleaze (try watching more than five minutes of "Spring Break" programming without feeling the need to shower). But even that sleaze can serve a higher purpose of sorts, particularly when much of pop culture remains homophobic. Young, impressionable viewers, while watching gay men or lesbian women compete for dates on MTV's "Next," are able to learn that gay and lesbian kids can be just as self-important and sex-starved as straight kids. And isn't that what has always united the MTV generation(s)?
The generation that actually grew up with MTV might insist it was the music that once united its audience. But that point has long since passed -- MTV simply hasn't kept pace with the many new ways would-be video viewers can consume music. Why watch in hopes that your favorite video will air when you can just go to YouTube?
Even if it helped invent the music video, MTV has long known it can't live on music alone -- it even made a show about two characters who sit around criticizing the videos. The station may once have been about songs, but it has always been about spectacle, whether of the political, socially conscious, crassly consumerist or just plain sleazy variety. "A Shot at Love" may manage all of the above.
from The Los Angeles Times

Aunt Weighs Whether 'Outing' Nephew Is Right Thing To Do

Dear Abby: I have a 15-year-old nephew I have suspected is gay for a long time. I recently saw his profile on myspace.com because I search there often, checking on my daughter. I found that he is on there and has listed his sexual orientation as "Bi."
I am sure that his mother, my sister, is not aware of this. I think I would like to know if he were my son, but I am unsure how to handle this. I don't think his parents will take this too well. Is it my responsibility to tell her?
Distressed Aunt in Miami

Dear Distressed Aunt:
If your nephew were engaging in self-destructive behavior, I would say tell his parents. However, identifying one's sexual orientation doesn't fall into that category. Unless you are the self-appointed town crier of Miami, it is not your responsibility to "out" your nephew - especially since you don't think his parents will take it well.
Your sister and her husband may already suspect, but your nephew should be given the courtesy of announcing his sexual orientation when he is ready. My advice is to keep your mouth shut. When people are told something they don't want to hear, they often resent the messenger.
from The Gainsville Sun

My Two Kids Are Bisexual And My Ex-Husband Is Gay

Dear Amy:
I recently found out that my two children are bisexual. The last eight years have been a test of my "true grit" and inner fortitude.
On top of my 20-year marriage ending because of infidelity, I have suffered family betrayal and my small business has failed.
Now I have to learn that my children are bisexual. My daughter is 19, attending community college and living with her much-younger boyfriend, his mother and the mother's live-in lover. I never suspected that she was a bisexual until recently.
My son is 15 and has several girlfriends that he hangs out with. They are always calling the house at all hours, wanting to talk with him, but to be honest, I have some suspicions that he might be gay.
Could this be inherited? I have read that there is a tendency for homosexuality to run in families. My ex-husband had so many "dirty little secrets" that eventually came to light and caused our marriage to end. Throughout our marriage, I sometimes wondered about his sexuality. He never acted very masculine.
In light of all that has happened during the last eight years, I feel even more overwhelmed about how to handle the bisexuality issue. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Overwhelmed in Appalachia

So far, you haven't presented any evidence that your children are bisexual, but let's concede for the sake of argument that they are. Sexuality isn't always a fixed state. People fall at every point along the spectrum. Whether sexual orientation is inherited is the source of some debate, but for your purposes it doesn't matter. It is what it is.
Young people sometimes go through periods of trying different things before settling in with a long-term partner. You should assume that your children's lives are as chaotic as yours has been. You should focus more on trying to provide some stability for yourself and your family, and less on questions of their sexuality. You can't influence your children's sexuality, but you can influence their life choices.
from The Washington Post

Cipel Says Ex-Gov. McGreevey Is Not Gay

The man former New Jersey Gov. James E. McGreevey identified as his gay lover said Thursday he believes McGreevey is not gay.
Appearing on "Larry King Live," Golan Cipel, an Israeli citizen hired by McGreevey first as a campaign aide and later as his homeland security adviser, said that McGreevey's 2004 resignation speech admission that he is "a gay American" was "part of the spin."
Through lawyers, Cipel had threatened to sue McGreevey for sexual harassment shortly before and after McGreevey's resignation. A lawsuit was never filed.
"I think McGreevey had no choice. There was a sexual harassment lawsuit against him. And he didn't know what to do, and his advisers told him, 'come out first,' and he would be perceived as the victim" and thereby gain control of the story, Cipel said.
While he said McGreevey did make sexual advances toward him on several occasions, Cipel said the former governor also frequently spoke about heterosexual encounters, including sex with prostitutes on trips to Germany and the Dominican Republic.
"I believe that Jim McGreevey is bisexual," Cipel said.
Cipel, 37, in his first extended national television interview since the publication in September of McGreevey's memoir, "The Confession," also urged the gay community "not to embrace McGreevey," saying the former governor committed sexual harassment against him and others.
Cipel, who has repeatedly denied being gay, again insisted that McGreevey's often graphic portrayal of their relationship in the book is untrue.
In the book, McGreevey, 49, writes that he was forced to resign after Cipel threatened to reveal his homosexuality unless he was paid millions to keep quiet.
McGreevey released a statement Thursday night saying, "I stand behind the truth and accuracy of every word in this book." He said he and Cipel had a consensual relationship that lasted for months.
"My only wish for Golan is that he find peace and acceptance in his life," McGreevey said in the statement.
McGreevey now works as an educational consultant and a childhood anti-poverty advocate, and lives in Plainfield, N.J., with his partner, Mark O'Donnell. Cipel has been living in Israel.
from The Associated Press

Seattle Ranks Number 2 In Percentage of Gays

Among the 50 largest U.S. cities, Seattle is second only to San Francisco in the percentage of residents identifying themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual, a new study reports.
A researcher used census and other government statistics to offer an estimate of a segment of the population in cities, metropolitan areas and congressional districts nationwide whose size has only been guessed in the past.
The study reports found that 12.9 percent of Seattle residents — roughly 57,900 people — identified themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual. In San Francisco, 15.4 percent of residents identified themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
The study's findings are drawn from newly released U.S. census data on same-sex households showing that between 2000 and 2005, the reported number of gay-couple households increased by 30 percent in the United States and by 50 percent in Washington state.
The findings do not necessarily suggest the number of gay people and couples is growing dramatically.
Rather, say the study's author and others, the findings may have more to do with people becoming more comfortable about disclosing their sexual orientation in government surveys.
They also believe the trend holds social and political implications, as civil rights for gays remain a deeply divisive issue across the country.
"Basically, we're looking at the size of America's closet," said Gary Gates, senior research fellow at the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy at the University of California, Los Angeles. The institute focuses on sexual-orientation law and public policy.
While there have been attempts to estimate the gay and lesbian population in specific cities or states, the Williams Institute estimated the population's size across cities, metropolitan areas, states and congressional districts.
Gates used data from the National Survey of Family Growth, a multipurpose survey sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, to estimate a gay, lesbian and bisexual population in the United States of 8.8 million people.
He then applied that data to the results of the American Community Survey, a periodic census update, to estimate the number of gay, lesbian and bisexual people in cities, metropolitan areas and congressional districts.
His formula assumed that the percentage of all same-sex coupled households in any area — data provided by the census — reflects the percentage of all gays, lesbians and bisexuals in that same area.
He multiplied the estimated total national gay, lesbian and bisexual population of 8.8 million by the percentage of all same-sex couples in a given area to reach an estimated gay, lesbian or bisexual population for that area.
"There's really no other way to get at this population," he said. "There's not a better source out there."
The findings come in a year the state Supreme Court upheld a ban on same-sex marriage and when Washington became the 17th state in the nation to pass legislation extending housing and workplace protections to gays.
Josh Friedes, advocacy director for the gay-rights group Equal Rights Washington, said the numbers demonstrate why it's important for states such as Washington to address such issues as how best to meet the needs of gay and lesbian couples as they age.
State Rep. Ed Murray, D-Seattle, who is gay, said that while the goal is still same-sex marriage, he plans to introduce legislation in the next session that "extends to gays and lesbians the same benefits of marriage, even if we can't get marriage.
"I know it will be a multiyear process."
Cheryl Haskins, executive director of Allies for Marriage and Children, said her organization is working to ensure it will have a voice in what goes on. The group supports defining marriage as the union between one man and one woman.
from The Seattle Times

'Invisible Man' To Offer Support To Gay Men

INDIANA UNIVERSITY - A new group might provide the answer to the problems of gay men on campus who don't identify with any existing student support networks. Invisible Man, a discussion group created by IU graduate student Matt Baber and supported by the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Student Support Services office, plans to be an outlet for gay men who don't necessarily feel they fit into the traditional gay stereotypes.
"The name, Invisible Man, represents the men within the larger homo/bisexual/curious community who might not be obviously nonxheterosexual to each other or to society," Baber said. "These are the guys who might not feel comfortable being gay or bi because they don't identify with, for example, pride parades and some of the values that society has traditionally assigned to homosexuals."
The group is loosely affiliated with the GBLTSSS office but Baber primarily organizes, facilitates and funds it. Baber said the group is geared mainly toward gay men but welcomes all men regardless of sexual orientation.
"It's open to all male students who want to become stronger and more empowered men who want a safe place to find friends, mentors and resources that will help them understand healthy ways to integrate manhood and sexuality," he said.
The GLBTSSS office is working with Baber to get the word on the street about the group and encourage participation within the gay community at IU.
"There are students out there not interested in the traditional groups that we offer," GLBTSSS Director Doug Bauder said. "There are needs not being met and folks who would really enjoy the fellowship of other men with their needs."
Baber created Invisible Man because he said he did not feel that there was a group with the sort of resources and support that he needed to feel comfortable with his sexuality. As part of the School of Health, Physical Education, and Recreation graduate studies program, Baber is required to do an internship. He said by applying that requirement to the organization, he saw an opportunity to create the kind of support group that he had always wished existed when he was an undergraduate.
"(The thing) I took away from the coming-out experience was that I had to first be gay and then try to build manhood," he said. "I realized that other guys likely share my struggle to integrate manhood and sexuality in ways that our culture and communities don't often teach us to do when we don't define ourselves by our sexuality."
In weekly meetings, group participants will discuss a range of issues revolving around the topic of what manhood means in their daily life, and they will try to find ways to realize a strong male identity. Sexuality will be discussed but is not the only concern of the group. Rather, the group is more a way for men to become deeply connected to themselves and those around them, Baber said.
While it might resemble other groups on campus, Barber said Invisible Man is unique in that it specifically addresses manhood rather than relationships.
In the past, the GLBTSSS office has sponsored a number of groups tailored to specific needs within the GLBT community. Organizations for transgender and gender-questioning individuals, a group for black students in the GLBT community and a group for lesbian and bisexual women are examples of some of the groups the office has created and supported.
"We find here that students express their needs of the moment," Bauder said. "Matt (Baber) came in and talked about his experiences to us, and when he said he wanted to start Invisible Man, we were more than happy to support him."
from The Indiana Daily Student / Whitney Mitchell

Out In The Park

CHESAPEAKE, VIRGINIA - Sherri Ford caught up with friends Saturday as they settled in on a blanket, chairs and coolers nearby, in the grass at Chesapeake City Park.
Ford, 28, comes every year to Out in the Park - an annual festival celebrating Hampton Roads' gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. This was the festival's debut in Chesapeake; for more than a decade, it had been held at Norfolk's Lakewood Park.
To many, the change was a good thing.
"It's becoming more mainstream," said Ford, who lives in Norfolk.
She added that moving the venue to Chesapeake reflects the way cities in the area are growing with new developments and new residents. So, too, is Hampton Roads' gay community, she said.
"We're not hidden anymore," Michele Barron, 30, chimed in. She's from Newport News and came to the festival with her partner and their son. "This is really a place that is family- friendly - you're able to bring your kids."
Like Barron, several families, couples and friends sat on blankets or on the grass to listen to the day's entertainment. Others checked out the festival's first beer garden as well as 60 vendors - more than in the past, according to Ed Jones, an executive board member of Hampton Roads Pride, which organized the event.
There were booths providing such items as rainbow-colored jewelry, information about St. Mark's Episcopal Church and books from Lambda Rising in Norfolk's Ghent neighborhood.
Members of the Commonwealth Coalition passed out "vote no" literature, too, in reference to a question that will appear on November's ballot, asking voters if they want to amend Virginia's Constitution to ban same-sex marriages. The Commonwealth Coalition is composed of gay rights activists and business and religious organizations.
Opponents say the proposed amendment is discriminatory and could interfere with contracts between unwed heterosexual and same-sex couples dealing with health care, property ownership and child custody.
On Saturday, Franco Ferrandini-Pucci did his part to get the word out, walking through the crowds with a sign that read: "Equal love, equal marriage, equal rights!"
"He's our one-man parade," Jones said.
He usually does something like this at every year's Out in the Park, Ferrandini-Pucci, 71, said. This year, the amendment was on his mind.
"We want you to vote 'no' on all this," he said, pointing.
The festival was the culmination of a week long pride celebration, including events at the Naro Cinema in Norfolk and a cocktail reception for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender veterans.
Keynote speaker Rich Merritt took the stage at 2 p.m. to share some of his personal story, which is chronicled in his book, "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star."
Merritt encouraged people to stop searching for role models and to instead be empowered by those around them.
"There's no reason to sit back and whine that we don't have a Rosa Parks when there are heroes all around us," he told the audience. "And there's nothing stopping you from becoming your own hero."
Meanwhile, Betty Perry of Virginia Beach strolled past booths with her friend Carol Bland of Norfolk. It was Perry's first visit to Out in the Park. And it was liberating.
"I've been closeted. But I'm not closeted anymore," said Perry, 68. "It's just nice to be with people where you can just be yourself."
from The Virginia Pilot