I've Just Been Cured From Being Gay: Video

From This Just In

'Ex-gay' movement: Saved? Or Shoved Back Into The Closet?

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO - The Rev. Ted Haggard story has reignited discussion about what makes a person gay - and whether someone can switch sexual orientation and become an "ex-gay."
On one side are organizations like Focus on the Family and Exodus International, which at conferences across the country teach that homosexuality is a lifestyle that can be overcome.
On the other are groups such as Truth Wins OUT, formed specifically to counter such ministries and whose director, gay activist Wayne Besen, says there's no such thing as an "ex-gay."
"It's a recloseted homosexual," Besen said. "I have never met an ex-gay who isn't on the payroll of a group like Focus on the Family or Exodus."
Besen monitors both ministry groups, sometimes attends their conferences and said he has exposed "ex-gays" - including a former Focus on the Family employee - in compromising situations. Just last week, Truth Wins OUT posted two videos on YouTube aimed at further debunking what Besen calls "the ex-gay myth."
A video released Thursday features Robert L. Spitzer, a Columbia University psychiatry professor who says Focus on the Family is using his research on homosexuality out of context. And on Valentine's Day, Besen posted a nine-minute video that features a Mormon couple who are divorcing after 25 years because the husband is gay.
Besen said the movement to reform gays by encouraging marriage ends up hurting spouses and children.
"There is a lot of pressure to be normal and get married," Besen said. "They treat the spouse as collateral damage in their social experiment."
Besen said no amount of therapy - he calls it "praying away the gay" - can turn a gay person straight.
"It's about denial. If you look at the programs themselves, it's about actors playing roles," he said.
"All roads run through Colorado Springs," Besen said of the ex-gay movement. "James Dobson's calling the shots."
Besen's Web site calls the "Love Won Out" conferences sponsored by Focus on the Family "the single biggest ex-gay threat individual communities face."
Focus on the Family holds six such conferences a year that average 1,000 attendees each, according to Melissa Fryrear, the ministry's director of gender issues and self-described former lesbian. The most recent conference was Feb. 10 in Phoenix.
"We're addressing a number of topics related to homosexuality from an orthodox Christian viewpoint," Fryrear said. "We're offering attendees an explanation as to what we think is the development of same-sex attraction."
Fryrear and others in the movement believe environmental factors, temperament, childhood influences and a person's interactions with peers all can contribute to the formation of same-sex attractions.
She said a disproportionate number of people she's worked with have had a breakdown - real or perceived - in their family relationships.
"Understand we're not saying that in every case. We've talked with some men, for example, and their father wasn't able to be really physically and emotionally present to them."
The result, she said, is that some men then seek out the affirmation of other men in homosexual relationships.
"We don't believe there's a gay gene. We also believe that by and large, men and women don't choose these feelings," she said.
Fryrear said she spent 10 years immersed in the gay community, beginning at age 16. In 1992, when she was 26, she said she "made a conscious decision that homosexual behavior was wrong" and began intensive work that included counseling, support groups and conferences.
"I've come out of so many closets, it's a wonder I can find my shoes," she said. "And by the way, they're pumps now instead of Army boots."
Fryrear believes her attractions to women were influenced by the fact she was adopted and by other childhood issues.
She said that even if science can prove a genetic link to homosexuality, it would not change what Focus teaches.
"The reason why is because homosexuality for us is also a moral issue," she said. "It's really what we believe and what we're for is sexual behavior expressed within the boundary of marriage between one man and one woman."
Fryrear said she has not talked with her former partner in more than a decade. She said she is very happy with her life and has a preference for red-headed men.
She doesn't have a boyfriend, but is "accepting proposals."
At Focus, she has the position once held by John Paulk, whose story of leaving homosexuality and getting married was on the cover of Newsweek in 1998. Paulk also was on the board of Exodus International and became the face for the organization's cause.
He made national news again in 2000, this time when Besen photographed him at a gay bar in Washington, D.C. He resigned from Focus in 2003 and moved with his family to Oregon, where he is a chef and owner of a catering company.
Paulk declined a request for an interview, saying he is living a normal life out of the media glare with his wife and children.
Floyd Godfrey, director of Family Strategies & Coaching in Phoenix who works with men wanting to change their sexual orientation said he, too, spent several years in counseling. He said he's now been married 14 years and has three children.
Godfrey, like Fryrear, cited "a constellation of factors" behind same-sex attraction, which often includes "a disruption in the connection with their father," and that his work focuses on the emotional issues behind those factors.
"If a young boy misses the bonding or insufficiently bonds with the same-sex mentor, that need for bonding doesn't go away," he said.
"This is not a fast therapy," he said, adding he only works with people who want to change. "If a kid is coming (to therapy) and their parents want them to change, we don't do that."
Besen believes no amount of therapy or prayer will make someone straight.
"I think Haggard has done more damage to the ex-gay cause than any activist could do in a hundred years," Besen said.
"If this guy couldn't pray away the gay, who can?"
from The Kansas City Star

‘Ex-Gay’ Speaks On Religious Beliefs Of Homosexuality

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SANTA BARBARA - “Ex-gay” speaker Chad Thompson’s lecture at Corwin Pavilion last night was advertised as a way to break down walls between Christians and homosexuals. Several queer students, however, had different thoughts.
Thompson, an evangelical Christian, said that as a teenager he discovered he was gay. During his roughly two hour presentation, he described the process of his overcoming his homosexual desires through the help of a counselor, his faith and other members of the ex-gay community - a claim which angered pro-queer rights activists outside and within the pavilion.
“If you are ex-gay because you think being gay is wrong and you have to be straight, then you are homophobic,” Jenny Beeson, co-chair of the Queer Commission, said while waiting outside the lecture.
Beeson, along with a few other members of the Queer Student Union and the Associated Students Queer Commission, handed out flyers criticizing Thompson’s views before the presentation, which was sponsored by campus Christian organization Real Life.
“I think tonight was the beginning of much-needed dialogue between the Queer community and Christian students,” Real Life Director Chris Comstock said.
Thompson talked about his life as an ex-gay and how it affected his perception of the queer community as well as the hate speech some Christians use to disparage homosexuals. He also discussed how his family situation as a child contributed to his sexual orientation, the way religion has helped him through life and his opinion on the possible existence of a “gay gene.”
“I think it would be cool if a gay gene were discovered. Then God would get more glory when it is treated,” Thompson said.
Thompson, who is in his late 20s, is the author of the book Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would, the theme of his lecture. He runs a website, www.inqueery.com, and travels throughout the U.S. to give speeches on homosexuality and Christianity.
While Thompson said he believes homosexual actions are sinful, he expressed the need for love and respect of homosexual individuals, and discouraged Christians from using derogatory terms against queers.
“It is about unconditional love,” Thompson said. “We must acknowledge the social and political struggles of gays.”
Thompson said Christians have done an inadequate job of showing their love for queers. For instance, when he worked for the Iowa Family Policy Center he attempted to organize events focusing on love and concern for queers, to which maybe two people would attend. However, when he planned events in opposition to queer activists’ political goals, he would see one hundred show up.
Thompson also pointed out inaccurate media depictions of both Christians and gays, which reinforces distrust between the groups.
“Christian media shows homosexuals as demons … gay media shows Christians as [hateful] people, and both of these lies create tension between the two sides,” Thompson said.
While the presentation itself stuck mostly to Thompson’s personal beliefs, the question-and-answer session after the presentation had queer students asking for Thompson’s opinions on psychological explanations of homosexuality as well as on gay marriage, which Thompson said he opposed.
“Research has shown increased rates of delinquency, teen pregnancy and other problems in children raised by gay parents,” Thompson said.
Thompson later said that this harm is not certain and may not occur in all homosexual families. He also said that he favors protections for ex-gays included in non-discrimination policies along with protection for gays.
“Chad didn’t say anything I hadn’t heard before,” said Chris, a member of the Queer Student Union. “In fact, he was probably more conservative than most of the audience.”
Ken Virzi, event organizer for Real Life, said Thompson addressed controversial questions fairly and respectfully.
“There’s always a possibility you might upset everyone, but I’m pleased that this talk wasn’t one-sided.” Virzi said.
from The Daily Nexus

Treat Homosexuality As 'Temptation,' Not Orientation, Former Gay Says

LAKE FOREST, CALIFORNIA - For Christians to love homosexuals like Jesus would, they should stop thinking of homosexuality as an orientation and start thinking of it as a temptation, says Tim Wilkins, himself "formerly gay."
Wilkins, who founded a group that helps people who have “unwanted same-sex attractions,” offered his controversial view during a breakout session at Saddleback Church’s Global Summit on AIDS and the Church. The summit brought Christians and AIDS workers together to address prevention and treatment of the disease, which originally was associated with homosexuals.
"In practical terms … mankind is heterosexual -- physiologically, anatomically and biologically," Wilkins told his audience mostly of evangelicals. "The only part that is not heterosexual is the mind, and that is not a big deal because the Bible says we are transformed by the renewing of our mind."
Wilkins knows what it’s like to be attracted to other men. For many of his developmental and early-adult years, he experienced and acted on those homosexual feelings.
But now, married for 13 years and with three daughters, Wilkins says he does not give in to the temptation to indulge in homosexual conduct. And his work at Cross Ministries is devoted to preaching the same message.
In his Nov. 30 session, called “Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would,” Wilkins told attendees they must love people not only from their heart and gut but also from their head.
“We actually choose to love people. And you have not loved anybody unless you choose to love somebody that is completely different from you,” he said. “Sometimes, if not most of the time, our expressions of love … are counterintuitive and counterproductive. No one has ever been argued out of homosexuality.”
For Christians to love homosexuals like Jesus, one of the first steps is to stop thinking of homosexuality as an orientation and think of it as a temptation, Wilkins said.
His own experience with same-sex attraction, Wilkins said, was “not predominantly [about] homosexuality;” it was an issue with his own sin nature -- something inside every human being. Everyone faces temptation, Wilkins said, and people are simply tempted by different things.
After they recognize the origin of the attraction, Christians can love homosexuals by showing them that homosexuality is not the opposite of heterosexuality, but it’s a "counterfeit" sexuality, he said.
With such a controversial message about homosexuality, Wilkins has plenty of critics. Mike Airhart, who contributes to the website www.exgaywatch.com, wrote that Wilkins offers no solid advice for gay people, choosing instead to speak against them.
“Wilkins dismisses the ‘counterfeit love found in homosexuality,’ offers no constructive reflections about gay people, and provides no trace of opposition to antigay discrimination,” Airhart wrote.
In 2005, at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, more than 30 people walked out of one of Wilkins’ speeches organized for the school’s Apologetics Association. That was before a fight broke out. “The sounding of numerous cell phones, commentary and interruptions from the audience and a fight interrupted his speech,” the student newspaper, the UWM Post, reported.
Wilkins has also come under fire from some religious groups who are uncomfortable with his admissions that he may still struggle with “temptations” for same-sex attraction.
Last September, Wilkins told a North Carolina church group “he was not cured, but merely suppressing his sexuality,” according to political activist Wayne Besen. Besen wrote Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth.
Besen disagreed with Wilkins’ alleged belief “that those who don't become straight or successfully celibate fail because they are not sufficiently obedient to God.”
“From my experience this message is particularly dangerous,” Besen wrote, adding that people who don’t change after extraordinary effort often despair, falling into depression, low self-esteem or suicide.
Despite his detractors, Wilkins soldiers on with his message that turning from homosexuality comes from a relationship with God, which brings freedom. During the AIDS summit at Saddleback, none of his listeners spoke up to object to his ideas, even during the question-and-answer session.
Wilkins said Christians focus too much on talking about change for homosexuals instead of talking about the freedom that comes from knowing God. The idea that Christians should try to “convert” homosexuals to heterosexuality “does not place the appropriate emphasis on Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith.”
What’s more, to peddle heterosexuality to people attracted to those of the same sex just doesn’t make sense, Wilkins said. “If beautiful women were the remedy for male homosexuality, there would be no gay men.”
Further, he added, it’s not a sin to be attracted to the same sex -- the attraction itself is a moot point. Instead, when Christians lead people to a relationship with Jesus, those with same-sex attractions will get a savior who fulfills their needs for love, acceptance and affirmation.
After he became spiritually intimate with God, Wilkins said, his needs for intimacy with men diminished. “What I needed was a savior,” he said. “I needed Jesus Christ. The relationship which precedes every relationship in the world is the one with our heavenly father.”
Saddleback's two-day summit was intended to motivate and equip Christians and churches to address the needs of people worldwide living with HIV/AIDS. Seminars addressed a number of medical and spiritual topics, including how to set up an HIV/AIDS ministry in a local church.
Although AIDS worldwide is primarily spread through heterosexual sex, it was first recognized in the United States as a disease of homosexual men. Because of how it first emerged in the public psyche, many people still think of HIV/AIDS as a homosexual disease.
In the United States, 42 percent of men first obtain the human immunodeficiency virus through homosexual contact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. But a full 33 percent get it through heterosexual relationships. Many others (25 percent) get it through unsafe injection of drugs. Seventy-five percent of women in the United States obtain HIV through heterosexual contact, the center reports.
from The Associated Baptist Press

Ex-Gay Advocate Urges Truth About Molestation Homosexuality Link

The executive director of an organization that offers support to members and to the families of members of the "ex-gay" community -- former homosexuals and those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction -- has a unique perspective on the Mark Foley scandal. While reproaches and recriminations abound in the media, she says someone needs to offer the disgraced former Congressman and others like him a message of hope and truth.
Regina Griggs of the group Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays, or PFOX, says it is not enough for the public discourse to ignore Foley's homosexuality or to affirm its existence while condemning his immoral and possibly criminal actions -- specifically his alleged sending of sexually suggestive e-mails to underage boys in the Congressional Page Program. But even getting to the bottom of a criminal investigation of the allegations against Foley, she suggests, would not adequately address his situation.
"So why are we not providing hope? Why are we not publishing the facts?" Griggs wants know. And why is no one really telling the clear though politically incorrect truth -- about the link between his sexual initiation and his sexual orientation -- to "people like Mr. Foley, who decided that he was gay based on something that took place during his teen years?" she asks.
This scandal is an opportunity to spotlight two truths, the PFOX official asserts. One, she says, is that homosexuality is often the result of molestation of children and youths; and the other is that many of those victims have still managed to come out of the homosexual lifestyle.
"My concern is that people who are buying into [the notion of] 'born gay, cannot change' do not realize that there is hope and there is healing available," Griggs notes. It is important to give voice to these facts, she contends, because the message of recovery from homosexuality is being silenced by homosexual activists, who are instead directing youth that have been molested into a homosexual identity.
"If we want to stop this type of behavior, and if we don't want to see it reproduced, then we have to begin to provide information for all men and women," the ex-gay outreach spokeswoman says. The victims caught in this tragic cycle and other homosexuals "have to know there's an answer," she insists.
The teenage molestation incident that former Congressman Foley says introduced him to homosexuality is unfortunately a very common phenomenon, Griggs points out. And it is a graphic example of why treatment to keep sexual disorientation or gender mis-identity from occurring is so vital. "The truth is out there," she says; "it's time to make it known."
from Agape Press

Protests At "Love Won Out" Conference

INDIAN WELLS, CALIFORNIA - A Christian conference aimed at those who are "impacted by homosexuality" drew more than 1,400 people to a church in the Coachella Valley, home to one of the country's most vibrant gay communities.
The Love Won Out conference, organized by the influential evangelical Christian political group Focus on the Family, included an appearance by the mother of actress Anne Heche and sessions with titles such as "Straight Thinking on Gay Marriage."
The event was held at Southwest Community Church in Indian Wells, and organizers say it was among the top three of 40 conferences it has held nationwide since 1998 in terms of attendance.
Indian Wells is by far the smallest city to host a Love Won Out conference this year, with Atlanta next, on Nov. 4. The largest was in February in St. Louis, drawing 1,800 people.
"It is such a big issue in the culture these days," said Bob Thune, pastor at Southwest. "It certainly is an issue in this area."
Billboards advertising the event along the valley's major roads sparked a controversy in this area that is home to two cities - Palm Springs and Cathedral City - that have majority gay city councils.
Palm Springs in particular is known as a gay-friendly vacation, retirement and residential area. It is host to two major gay events each year: the White Party and the Dinah Shore Weekend.
Troy Willis of Indio said he likes the Love Won Out soft-sell approach to urging people not to be gay.
"It is not hate," Willis said of the methods touted at the event. "We do need to reach out, that is a fault of ours, where the church has dropped the ball."
Willis said he respected the protesters' right to speak their minds outside the conference. And he said Christian protesters of gay-themed events have drawn undue scorn from the gay community.
People who attended paid $50 to $60 to register. Speakers referred audience members to books and Christian groups for more information. And the production included multimedia presentations and large video screens displaying images of the speakers in the church's main auditorium.
Protests question intent
Outside the church, Coachella Valley-based protesters carried pro-gay signs and waved at people en route to the event. Men embraced each other in an effort to show conference attendees a positive image of gay relationships.
"I don't object to having a religious belief," said Timothy Kincaid of Los Angeles, who protested the event. "What I object to is when you come in and you don't tell the truth."
Kincaid said the message of love at the conference is undermined by the Focus on the Family suggestion that people cannot simultaneously be gay and effective Christians.
Inside, people who said they were struggling with their sexual identity sought advice from speakers and consoled one another.
"This is a struggle I've had to struggle with since I was 13," said James Uvence, 21, of Fontana.
Uvence said he hoped the conference would help him overcome an attraction toward men.
"I want to be with church. I want to be with God," Uvence said. "I didn't choose to become gay. I don't know where these thoughts came (from)."
The event included speakers who told the audience they had lived more rewarding and healthy lives after giving up gay lifestyles.
When Heche spoke, she described finding out in separate instances that her late husband, a Christian minister, and her daughter, a popular movie actress, were gay. Her husband subsequently died of complications from AIDS, she said. Her daughter, Anne, former girlfriend of talk-show host Ellen Degeneres, eventually married a man.
"These two events changed my life," said Heche. "I wish I had something like this a few years ago," she said.
The gist of her talk centered on overcoming anger toward the gay community. "God was saying, 'Stop holding that sin against them,'" Heche said.
The conference opened with a video address from Focus on the Family founder James Dobson and went on to include testimonials from people who said they were no longer gay.
Organizers said the aim of the event was to help families and people struggling to understand gay lifestyles.
Love Won Out media director Gary Schneeberger said the event was not aimed at influencing political decisions on gay marriage, domestic partner benefits or gay adoption.
But in at least one of the conference sessions, the speaker highlighted gay-marriage ballot initiatives and told the audience arguments they could use against gay-marriage advocates.
"National same-sex marriage could also mean a very real threat to our religious freedom," Bill Maier, a Focus on the Family vice president, told the group.
People who attended said they welcomed the opportunity to learn information that could help them deal with gay friends and family members. Many of the sessions covered balancing thoughts about gay feelings, gay friends or gay relatives with living a Christian lifestyle.
"That is what I am here about," said Becky West of Orange County, who said she has a close relative who is gay. "I am here about the love for that person."
from The Desert Sun

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