Being Openly Gay At School Helped Change Climate

It was in the middle of sixth grade when I started to question the nature of my feelings toward other boys.
I always looked at girls as friends, nothing more, nothing less. I would often have thoughts that seemed strange about boys. I would envision being with them, like the boys and girls in the halls holding hands and kissing, not wanting to break apart from each other.
For the first time, I questioned whether or not I might be gay. I did my research to see how other gay people felt toward people, and I concluded that I was indeed homosexual.
Toward the end of my sixth-grade year, I came out to my best friend at the time.
He was the first person I ever told.
I thought that he would understand or at least accept me, and for a while he did. But then about two months later he stopped calling me and hanging out with me. At first, I thought that maybe he was busy with his school subjects, so I didn't question his not speaking to me.
But one day I became curious just to see if he was really busy with his school work and when I asked him what was going on, he said in a kind of disgusted tone that he didn't want to be my friend because I was gay. After I told him, he tried to get some of my other friends to abandon our friendship, but, it didn't work as he planned.
At first I denied it. I didn't feel ready to tell my other friends, in fear that it would get around the school that I was gay.
But, as more and more of my friends asked, I felt bad because I was lying.
So in November 2002, I told a few people I knew I couldn't trust. I did this to decrease the number of times I would have to come out and I knew these people would tell.
Still, to this day, it's one of the hardest things I have had to do.
During the summer of 2002, before entering seventh grade, I was debating whether or not to tell my mother my secret. Visions of disownment and being kicked out of my house ran through my head. Would she love and accept me for who I was? Now, when we go back to that day, my mother recalls that I was very nervous when I told her that I had a “big” secret to reveal. After telling my mother I was gay, she didn't go off the deep edge. She didn't scream, shout or cry. She simply responded with, “I thought that you were going to tell me you killed someone.”
But in the fall of eighth grade, I went through hell. Word had gotten around about my sexuality and almost the entire school knew I was gay. The other students would verbally harass me. Thank God they were never physically violent. I would always get the usual insults: Fag and other words that I can't say were their favorite names for me. Insults would be thrown at me when a teacher wasn't around, such as in the halls or in the locker rooms.
But it really was never bad in the locker rooms; I always had a whole row of lockers to myself. Lockers were never assigned so we were able to pick our own. Other boys never chose the row I picked and I, not wanting to cause problems, never chose a locker near anyone else. Therefore, I always ended up by myself, as nobody really wanted to associate with me. I didn't check any of the guys out, even though it would have been only natural. I didn't want to cause a reason for guys to be afraid of me. I respect the fact that they are heterosexual; I would never try to come on to them.
It was amazing the effect coming out had for both students and staff at East Middle School. East Middle never had a student come out before, and because of this, many policies were more closely followed. Homophobic remarks were dealt with, in most cases with an after-school detention. The teachers were very supporting of me, they always told me if I needed to talk or needed help with students harassing me to let them know.
I am now in 11th grade at Auburn High School. Luckily, I don't deal with the harassment I used to deal with in middle school. There are still many people who dislike me, many of whom moved up from the middle school with me. I have never made peace with anyone who was homophobic, but I am willing to. My belief is that people can change their views when they are willing to look at things with an open mind.
Those who still dislike me will occasionally walk by me and tell me that I am wrong and will go to hell for being gay.
But in most cases people don't bother me at all. In high school as in life, we meet different people, some whom we love and some we don't. Some people are more accepting of others, but some will never be.
The creation of the Gay Straight Alliance at Auburn High School is just the beginning of the changes today's youth will cause. If young people want something, they will work for it and in most cases they will succeed in creating change.
Robbie Schmicking is a junior at Auburn High School
from Auburnpub.com