A Gay Man, Ladies, To Set You Straight

Ladies, who do you turn to when you need advice? Not financial counsel or nutritional recommendations, but relationship advice - the wisdom that woman has sought for centuries, like so many miracle wrinkle serums and designer shoe sales.
Sure, mothers have years and perspective on their side, but the more explicit discussions tend to be awkward or off-limits. Plus, moms are not always realistic about Joe Suitor '07 and how his habits differ from their courtship days.
Girlfriends are another common go-to when coping with matters of the heart. But, as "like likes like," your pals often match you drama for drama and are no more qualified to articulate the male perspective.
A book came my way a couple of months back claiming single women would do best to get their relationship advice from men. Gay men. Daylle Deanna Schwartz talked to 33 homosexuals for her book Straight Talk with Gay Guys: What Girlfriends Can't Tell You and Straight Men Won't.
On the surface it may seem counter-intuitive to turn to a gay man about a straight relationship, but Schwartz's point is that men are men, and if you are having trouble interpreting a man's actions, ask another for clarification. Preferably one who kinda likes to talk about boys anyway - something for which straight guy friends don't often qualify.
The 40-ish Schwartz told me her theory was born amidst a string of loser boyfriends, a jerk parade that her girlfriends enabled. They'd analyze until they could excuse selfish, even cruel behavior, babbling their cheap psychoanalysis about his "true" feelings or what he "really" meant. Her friends would conspire with her on how to change the offending man, manipulate situations, anything but how to break up with him. For them, being single was worse than being in a miserable relationship.
Ultimately, it was her gay hair- stylist who would decree Jerky McStandup not worthy of her attention, point out the flawed logic in forgiving men who treat her with disrespect and tell her to get her confidence together.
She told me she thinks gay men are generally more expressive and likely to show emotion than those on the hetero side of the fence, and thereby more able to give sound advice.
So she put out a call for gay male research subjects and plucked their finest pearls of wisdom for her book. Even if you don't have a personal cache of homosexuals to test the theory, you can thumb through her book, packed with "Here's how it really is" statements from her man gallery:

• "Men never advance beyond the age of 9."

• "It's not what men say, it's what men do that women should pay attention to, because men say almost anything."

• "Go on dates and find out what kind of people you like, and learn from it. And don't obsess!" Hear that? Don't obsess.

The quotes are loosely tied together by snippets of Schwartz's narrative and grouped together by chapter - let go of the Prince Charming fantasy, don't try to change him, set boundaries for inappropriate behavior and, of course, a cash cow chapter on bedroom behavior. The material is often vague and general, but there is just as much clear and sensible advice.
Plus, the overlying message of the book is one that can be applied to any advice-seeking situation: When you need to know something, seek out experts. Don't just stay in your comfort zone or run to Mommy whenever you have a problem.
from The Florida Times-Union