'Dude, You're gay'

Kristofer Berry, 19, goofs around as he talks to a friend while they clean his bedroom. A recent Concord High School graduate, Berry lives in Deerfield with his parents and attends McIntosh College, where he is studying fashion merchandising.
His name was Blake - I can't believe I still remember that.
He was taller than me. He had black hair and brown eyes. We watched movies together, stayed at each other's houses.
My mom didn't know, obviously. (Our first kiss) was awkward. It just happened. He knew what he was doing, which was completely different from me. I had no clue what was going on. I remember we were watching a movie and we were laying on his bed. I want to say Mortal Kombat. His parents were gone. That's all I remember. We went out for two years. I guess you could say, for third grade, it was kind of serious. Then, I moved.
I never knew what the word meant. It was kind of funny, 'cause in fifth grade someone was calling someone a fag and then someone told him to look it up in the dictionary. And of course, I'm stupid, so I went and looked it up. And I'm like, "Oh, so that's what it means." And I was like, "Yeah that's me."'Cause I didn't like any of the girls. I never found any of them attractive at all.
In the sixth grade (in Deerfield), the minute I stepped off that bus, I looked around and I could tell that no one there was going to accept me. So I just pretended to be straight so I could fit in. Even that didn't work. They hated me anyway 'cause I dressed differently. I actually dated my friend Megan. It just felt wrong, so I broke up with her. She understood, too. I just didn't feel that connection with her.
Apparently, my stepmom had been going out and buying books on how to ask your child, which kind of makes me laugh. That's when I came down and told her. She never knew that I've known for so long. I was 15 when I told her.
She was like, "Yeah, we've had our thoughts."
And I was like, "Yep. Yeah, I am."
That's when I lost my best friend. One day, I was sitting here talking to my friends and he overheard me. We were talking about some guy, I don't remember. And he pulled in and overheard. He suddenly got on his bike and left. From then on, he hated me. I felt rejected. He's scared of what he doesn't understand, I guess you could say. That's what his girlfriend says. Me and his girlfriend are close.
In high school, most people are mature and can handle things better. I would say it was much easier in high school, rather than to go on pretending I was someone else. I just came out. And then, my small circle of friends just suddenly got huge, to the point that I couldn't keep track of anybody. So it felt really good.
Some of them can tell by the way I walk, the way I talk. I look all nice and clean. A lot of the time, if I'm walking around with a large group of girls, some people may be like, "Dude, he's gay!" And I'm like, "Yep. Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing."
Sometimes, I think it's better that they catch on right away 'cause if they don't like me, that gives them a chance to stay away from me. Sometimes, you don't want people to react. Sometimes, it's like, "Hey, just to let you know - I don't know if you want to hate me, but hey - I'm gay."
If they're like, "Oh! Gay person!" That's how I got a lot of my friends. They were like, "Dude, you're gay. We love you!" I'm like, "Okay. . . . Sure. . . ."
(Gay people are) not as common. So when they meet one that's open, they're like, "Yes! Someone to go shopping with or someone to sit and talk with." And that's exactly how I am. I love having fun. I'm always giggling. I'm a complete dork. It's a good feeling, to be loved for who I am. I have a lot of straight (male) friends, actually. They like me 'cause I'll help them with their problems with their girlfriends. Or if they need an idea for their anniversary, they'll come ask me.
A lot of my female friends they're like, "You've got a new boyfriend -we've got to watch you guys kiss!" They have one dream, and it's to see me kiss another guy. It's awkward.
Me and my friend Tiffany, me and her are wicked close. She decided she wanted me to go to a youth group with her here in Deerfield. So we went. She asked the youth group leader why it was bad to be gay. He went into this big explanation about how it was wrong. And in the Bible, God had punished a village by making everyone gay or something like that. I just didn't like what he was talking about, so I walked out. I wasn't going to sit there and listen to it. It's me. I don't care what some book says.
If I stayed in a small town like this, it'd be definitely harder on me. There's not many gay people here in Deerfield. But if I move to somewhere like the big city, I don't think I'm going to have that much of a hard life. My dad, at first he didn't take it well at all. But he's getting used to it. Little, by little. We don't talk about it, but he still loves me, obviously.
My stepmom makes an occasional crack, like, "But, don't gay men wear capris?"
"No. No, we don't."
I honestly don't know what their biggest concern is, because we've actually never really talked about it. Maybe their biggest concern is like what you hear on the news, that one of these days, I'll be pulled down a dark alley and beaten. Maybe that's their problem. Sometimes, they make it sound harder than it really is. They make it seem more complicated than it really is. It's challenging, don't get me wrong, but it's not as hard as people make it sound, at least not for me.
from Concord Monitor